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Double D’s Daily Dose: The Women in my Life, Part 2: A Girl Hits on Me

Well, I teased yesterday that I would talk today about a girl hitting on me. It may seem like an insignificant event for most guys, but this pretty much changes everything for me. Girls NEVER hit on me. It was a new and unanticipated event in my life and my mind was completely unprepared. Let me preface with a little back-story.

If you read yesterday’s blog, you’ll know that last week I went to Toronto to see The Protomen and Powerglove in concert. To find out more, read that review here. After the concert finished my ears were ringing pretty heavily. I was borderline deaf, thirsty and I had to go pee. So I went to the bar, got a big glass of water, tipped the waitress a toonie for being so nice and went to the washroom to go pee. I bet you thought any one of those things could have been the set-up for a girl hitting on me. Well, you’re wrong. No girl hit on me while I was taking a pee. Though, when I used the washroom before the show started, I heard some of the members of Powerglove talking through the stalls while they both took poops.

Anyways, enough talk about poop and pee. I’m gonna make you all think I’m uncouth, whatever that means. After I got out of the washroom, I stopped by the merch table to pick up a souvenir. Powerglove had little foam swords and I wanted to buy one. Well, standing next to the booth there was this girl. She was a vision from heaven, a true angel among mere mortals. Her long red hair, curvy hips, bodacious bossom, thick red lips. I couldn’t have asked for anything more and she was about to offer herself to me on a silver platter. As I was buying my sword, she started talking to me. SHE STARTED TALKING TO ME! You have to understand that this never happens to me. I lead a lonely and sheltered life. I was wearing my Iron Man t-shirt that has like 40 different Iron Man suits on it. It is a pretty cool t-shirt and I managed to pick it up for only $5 at Liquidation World. Score! I get noticed for t-shirts a lot, but usually not in a sexual way. The conversation between me and the girl went something like this.

Hot girl: “I really like your Iron-Man shirt.”

Me: “Thank you. This shirt only cost five bucks at Liquidation World actually.” (Yes, I actually said that)

Hot girl: “Well, that’s a really great shirt for only five bucks. I might sleep with you, just so I can steal that shirt.”

Stunned silence

Hot girl: “I was just kidding… sort of, maybe, I don’t know.”

Me: “I’ll just pretend you weren’t kidding. It’s a good confidence booster.”

Then I walked away. It might seem strange, but let’s play back that scene with the conversation in my brain instead.

Hot girl: “Well, that’s a really great shirt for only five bucks. I might sleep with you, just so I can steal that shirt.”

Brain A: “Whoa, did she just say that?”

Brain B: Processing…

Brain A: “Hello?”

Brain B: “Oh, sorry. I was just trying to process what I just heard.”

Brain A: “And?”

Brain B: “I got nothin’. Who says that? Seriously?”

Brain A: “I can’t believe this. I don’t know what to do. I mean, we’ve prepared ourselves for life-long loneliness, but we spent so much time bracing ourselves for an endless dark void that we never actually thought of what to do if someone was actually interested in pulling us out of it.”

Brain B: “I don’t know what to say. I’m screwed. We’re screwed.”

Hot girl: “I was just kidding… sort of, maybe, I don’t know.”

Brain A: “Oh look, she’s talking again. Maybe I should say something.”

Me: “I’ll just pretend you weren’t kidding. It’s a good confidence booster.”

Brain B: “We should walk away. I’m gonna walk away now.”

Turns out, I screwed up, big time. Now it’s been eating away at me and haunting my thoughts ever since. It probably will until I die, but hey, that’s pretty normal for me. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

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