OK, ladies and germs, it’s time for my look at the Holiday movies of 2011, since now I’m finally caught up (on the big ones at least). All ratings are out of five *****.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 *1/2 Oh my gosh, this movie was terrible. It was really awful. It was padded to shit, there was no story and worst of all, it was bloody depressing to boot. I gave it that extra half a star only because it had some unintentionally funny dialogue ala The Room.

The Muppets **** Probably the best and most crowd-pleasing Muppet movie since well, The Muppet Movie. I think some audience members have a hard time swallowing a happier, brighter movie in these “Dark Knight” influenced times, but maybe a little green felt is what we all need.

Hugo ***** Easily a top 10er for me. This is Scorsese’s love letter to film. If my children ever wonder why I like movies so much, I’ll show them Hugo. First, because it exposes the world to the magic of film. Second, because it’s a great movie!

Arthur Christmas ***1/2 Yes, it’s yet another Christmas movie about believing in Santa, like we needed one more, but I guess we did, because unlike all those other, lamer, Santa-related movies, Arthur Christmas is both funny and heart-felt; a winning combination for Christmas movies.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows *** About as good as the first Sherlock Holmes (which I think also got a 3/5, but don’t quote me on that). There was way too much action and not enough mystery, just like the first film. But also like the first film, the best thing about it is the chemistry between Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. Plus, at least this time I knew what I was getting into. I wish Noomi Rapace was used a little better though.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol **** This is a better James Bond movie than the last James Bond movie. The new Mission Impossible is fun and charged with energy and wit. Go see it.

The Adventures of Tin Tin **** This is a better Indiana Jones movie than the last Indiana Jones movie. It’s also charged with energy, wit and good ol’ fashioned childhood fun. It’s great to see that Spielberg can still have a good time after all these years.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo **1/2 Holy anal rape, Batman! Seriously, that ass-rape scene will stay with ya, boy. This isn’t one for the squeamish. Now, you may be wondering why I gave a 50% grade to this movie, especially since I’m the world’s second biggest David Fincher fan. The problem is that David Fincher’s #1 fan is David Fincher who recycles his old style here minus any of the flourishes of humanity or liveliness that made movies as dark as Se7en or Zodiac not only tolerable, but brilliant. This movie feels unnecessary to me. As if, after the brilliance of The Social Network and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (I still love that movie, I don’t care what anyone says), Fincher just wanted to take a break and remake something that probably didn’t need to be remade. It held my interest for the murder mystery plot that drives the story, but then that wraps up and we’re left with a flimsy subplot that no one I know can even explain to me and characters that I had nailed in the first ten minutes … for the next thirty minutes. I wanted to walk out.

War Horse ****1/2 The last year Spielberg released two great movies was 1993 when Schindler’s List and Jurassic Park came out and now we have 2011 with Tin Tin and this. Another year with two great Spielberg films and released in the same month, no less! War Horse may be slow, but it’s powerful and it would take a hard heart not to cry even a little at the struggling journey of a thorough-bred horse named Joey in World War 1. This is Oscar-fodder, yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. This is a sweeping, moving film of the highest order.

So, there you have it. I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on here, but I get busy and lazy just like everybody else. Sue me.

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