What’s going on everyone, Pierce ’The Punk’ Derks here taking some time out of my wacky life to bring you a review of my experience at 2010’s Toronto After Dark Film Festival.

‘What’s this after dark thingy you speak of Pierce?’
You’re not alone loyal ThisWeekInGeek.net reader and listener.

Young children and hobos constantly ask me this question on the busy streets of Toronto… along with the typical ‘where’s my mommy’ and ‘can you spare a buck?’..like I have time for that.

So for those of you who are unfortunate not to know of its awesomeness, TAD (Toronto After Dark) is a film fest that features “8 Nights of Horror, SCI-FI, Action & Cult Movies!”

Without further ado, here is my review of the opening gala film…

The Last Lovecraft (USA 2009, Dir Henry Saine)

Last Lovecraft follows the story of Jeff, a typical dude who’s too focused on his pointless cubicle job existence to see his life is going nowhere fast. The only thing positive about Jeff’s life is his best friend Charlie, your typical aspiring comic book writing slacker always trying to get his high strung friend to cut loose.

One day after work everything changes when Jeff learns he is the last descendant of acclaimed writer H.P. Lovecraft…and of course just like all relatives of the visionary author, it’s up to him to save the world from an ancient evil by protecting some relic.

Wait… did I miss something?

The two friends decided they are way over their heads and must team up with Paul, a stereotypical nerd/ Lovecraft aficionado from their high school days.

What follows is a typical buddy-comedy meets road-movie with horror sprinkled throughout  as they rediscover themselves and their friendship as they try to save the world.

This film sells itself off as a Cthulhu comedy, which I must admit, is a unique and much needed addition to the over saturated horror sub genres.

Think it sounds awesome?

I did too…unfortunately this film fails on every conceivable level and never delivers on its monster movie promises.

This leads me to my three main problems with the film, delivered in point form.

1. The Characters

Jeff and Charlie are a cliché of the buddy team up we’ve been seeing in countless films ever since the success of Clerks. They are Dante and Randal, minus original writing and charming actors to bring them to life. What we’re left with are two individuals that you never believe have an ounce of friendship between them.

You end up loathing Jeff as he’s not so much ‘likable misfit’ as much as he comes across as an asshole. There’s not one single redeeming quality about his character, and as such, you don’t care about his story or what happens to him in the long run.

2. The Writing

I knew I was in for a treat when in the film’s first 10 minutes  I was introduced to our main character in his cubicle as he utters the line…

“Is this all my life is?”

…

Dude…are you serious?

Did he actually just say that? Could you possible write a more direct and asinine piece of dialogue to try and explain the character for us?

That’s an internal thought, not something you embarrass the actors and insult the intelligence of the audience by having the character actually go and say.

Dreadful lines like this continue to pour on through the film as we get ideas and exposition blatantly fed to us rather than having it unfold through dialogue or character development.

Along with the terrible exposition and dialogue, we get comedy bits of ‘gold’ that have nothing to do with character, timing, or wit and quickly deteriorate into people yelling, cursing grannies, and homosexual hillbillies.

3. The Style

At this point you probably think ‘C’mon Pierce, it can’t be that bad?’

I will admit there have been many films I’ve enjoyed that suffer dreadfully in latter two categories, but they make up for it with a sense of style.

You know,  a sense of direction, something that separates them from the rest of the cinematic filler out there.

This has none of it.

Even the opening credits come to us from a preset animation in After Affects.

For a horror movie you would expect at least some good gore…right?

Nope.

Instead we get a camera than pans ups up away from all of the action as we see either shoddy CG blood splatter against the wall or just a shadow. Mix this in with flat, lackluster cinematography and slow tedious editing (a character turns in one shot fully and then when it cuts to the next shot he’s still turning…editing fail) and you get the visual equivalent of…of… a stale donut.

The eye candy could have been so delicious and sweet…but instead it’s just bland and crusty.

That’s why I disliked this film so much, it’s not so bad it’s good, it doesn’t have the visual style to make up for atrocious writing, and it doesn’t have the heart in the story to make up for the poorly designed characters.

It’s just bland and boring throughout.

The only area where this film succeeds is with the monster design. You get to see some gorgeous looking tentacle beasts and other such Lovecraft-ian goodness… I just wish the actual film would have actually been a strong format to show off these lovely works.

Furthermore for an opening Gala event at TAD the fans deserved better! In recent years we’ve received the infectiously fun Black Dynamite and modern day masterpiece Let The Right One In on opening nights. Why drop the ball this year guys?

This thing also received the Silver for ‘Best Independent Film’ in TAD’s Vision Awards. This thing won while a unique film like Rubber was snubbed? Come on After Dark, you know better.

With so many amazing, innovative, and genuine horror comedy hybrids out there in recent years…

This film has no excuse.

Sorry guys, I know you’re passionate about your project, but a cool concept does not make a good movie.

Overall The Last Lovecraft get’s a disappointing 02/10.

Stay tuned for more Toronto After Dark reviews…and don’t worry, they’re not all this bad.

Pierce ‘The Punk’ Derks