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Storytime with Double D: Ashley’s Swear Spree

No one can swear like Ashley. I don’t see her much anymore, which is a little unfortunate, because there’s quite a few stories I could write about her. She’s an interesting person, but jeez could she swear.

We were riding home one night from Toronto. We were there during the day for a videogame press event. I miss videogame press events too. Getting one-on-one time with the developers and then playing the games before anyone else in the world is awesome and this event even had a live performance by a Canadian band I cannot remember the name of for the life of me, but they were pretty good. Sort of reminded me of U2. Ashley and I were the only two at the concert and I took quite a few pictures, which the band’s press agent asked me to e-mail to her. I have no idea what happened to those pictures.

After the event we went to the Eaton’s Centre and went to Chapters/ Starbucks where we met some of Mike’s Toronto friends. They were cool guys and they wanted to take us out to karaoke. How could we say no? This was turning out to be a pretty awesome day. I remember I even picked up a copy of the Anime Encyclopedia at Chapters, which I still have to this day.

I’ll never forget that karaoke bar. They had the best selection of tracks I’ve ever seen. I did We Are All On Drugs by Weezer solo, then a duet of Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz with Mike where he did all of Del’s rap verses and I sang Damon Albarn’s part, then I did “Man, I Feel Like a Woman by Shania Twain as a duet with Ashley. We had a blast. We also had a good time laughing at one of the other couples who kept doing karaoke and looked like the cavemen from the Geico commercials. They did the worst Sweet Child of Mine I’ve ever heard in my life.

Anyways, soon it was time to leave and we were headed home. We had driven there in Ashley’s care and now we were driving back in the same. Mike was using the GPS on his phone, but something went wrong and soon it had led us astray and we were lost.

That’s when Ashley went into her tyrade. She swore a blue-streak. She passed The f-word counts for The Big Lebowski and Pulp Fiction combined within a few hours. It was literally every other word. So, Pierce and I in the back seat started playing a little game. We began counting. We counted every swear word from Toronto back to Welland. I think we passed 200 and we weren’t hiding it. We counted loud enough for Ashley to hear us. The funny part was that she never did. She didn’t notice or even turn around to ask us why we were counting. She just kept on yelling and swearing all the way home while we kept track of the numbers in the back seat. That was a fun night.

The moral of the story: Swearing is OK, but in small doses, unless you’re with close friends.

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