I really don’t feel like writing this review. I mean, it’s been like three days since I saw the movie, but I was busy, so I didn’t get a chance to write anything about it, so I’ll probably forget a lot as a write this review, but I don’t feel like watching it again, because it sucks. So here’s my fast, impatient and somewhat irate review of Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.
Wait, did I already say this movie sucks? Oh well. That’s all you really need to know. Don’t waste your money on this waste of money. I came into this film cautiously optimistic that there could finally be an intelligent video game movie. I realize now that that is an impossibility, at least for the time being, until the messiah comes and makes a video game adaptation that actually takes itself seriously as a film and not just an add to sell action figures. But for now we have yet another video game film that fails to suspend the audience’s disbelief, where scenes feel more like levels than scenes and where there are enough goofy moments to make a Merry Melodies cartoon look like an episode of Nova.
Let’s use this paragraph to say the things I liked about the movie. It’ll be a short paragraph. The actors are all good in their own right. I mean, they did what they could, considering the 2-dimensional roles that were written for them, but they’re all pretty good actors. I love Ben Kingsley and Jake Gyllenhaal in other roles, but the only actor I felt was given a role worthy of their prowess was Alfred Molina. He played probably the only character in this movie that I enjoyed watching, even though he was comic relief, Alfred Molina can take comic relief and make it brilliant. He’s just that good, people. I also thoroughly enjoyed the score. If you can find a copy of the soundtrack, just get that instead of seeing this movie. It’ll be more worth the money. Also, the set decoration, costume design and cinematography of this movie were all very beautiful and worthy of praise. It wasn’t a bad looking movie. It was just a bad movie in general.
Right from the beginning I knew I was in for a bumpy ride. One of the first scenes in the film depicts the Prince’s companions shooting arrows into a brick wall for him to climb it. I turned to my best friend Will, who was in the theatre with me and asked, “Can arrows actually pierce bricks?” “No,” he replied. “That’s what I thought.” Besides any lapses in logic, the movie just failed on a story level. It moved too fast for me to connect with any of the characters and just jumped into the action to quickly and too often and then when someone dies they expect me to feel bad for them. I didn’t. I also couldn’t stand Gemma Arterton’s character for most of the film. She was an annoying stuck up bitch! Honestly, if she wasn’t attractive, none of the other characters would ever put up with her. I can’t stand characters like that! The visuals were a little too much too. An overdose of CGI and slow-mo had me rubbing my eyes a few times trying to remind myself that that this was live action and not still a video game. They sure as hell did a good job of making it look like one. I really just felt like I couldn’t connect to what was happening on screen and that’s a shame, because again this film could have been pretty good. The potential was there, it just wasn’t tapped into. Then there’s the ending. It was extremely disappointing, but I won’t give anything away.
Anyway, that about sums up Prince of Persia. It’s another video game movie. So if you’re expecting something good, you’ll be disappointed, but if you’re expecting another video game movie, where the characters are shallow, the plot is contrived and there are enough laughable moments to make Uwe Boll himself proud, then this movie will be exactly what you expect. That’s all Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is; nothing special, just another video game movie. Oh well. I shouldn’t have been so optimistic.
I give Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time 2/5.
Stay tuned for more reviews from the Double D himself, most of which will be on time from now on, I hope. Also, if you’re so inclined, feel free to follow me on twitter.
Click here to follow me,I’m @David_Denis. See you at the movies!